Thinking of the past can bring me down to my knees
Asking God the simple question, why?
Everything happens for a reason, they say.
But sometimes the reason is hard to see.
Like why did my dad have to suffer since the day he was born?
Why did he die the way he did…all alone?
Watching him die was one of the hardest things I ever had to do.
And painful in many ways.
I remember asking God, “Why do I have to live this agony?”
I remember slowly dying inside and not knowing if I would survive the pain that was taking over my soul.
I had to be strong for me, for my daughter and for my two younger sisters. But I couldn’t…I tried. God knows I tried.
The hospital was cold and dark, like the way I felt inside. And although people told me he was going to be alright… I knew he was going to be gone.
The pain that consumed me took over my existence for days, weeks and months after his death. At times it’s still very hard to think about.
I remember those days vividly as if it was yesterday.
I remember loosing myself in tears and in the fear of never ever speaking to my father again. I remember feeling lost and wanting to scream and just go crazy. I remember wanting to be someone else but me.
I was so confused…I asked, why?
Why him? Why my dad? Why my daddy? My dad, why?
Nowadays, I think of the positives.
My dad was suffering too much and God decided to take his pain away. And that, to me, makes sense.
I guess I kind of know why…
I still miss my dad. I wonder how he would be with his grand children. I wonder what my relationship could have been with him. I wonder so much…
I know he is in heaven now…I can feel it. And that make me happy. I know that he is where he needs to be and that someday we’ll see each other again. Till then, I will continue to miss him and think about him everyday. I love you dad!
Asking God the simple question, why?
Everything happens for a reason, they say.
But sometimes the reason is hard to see.
Like why did my dad have to suffer since the day he was born?
Why did he die the way he did…all alone?
Watching him die was one of the hardest things I ever had to do.
And painful in many ways.
I remember asking God, “Why do I have to live this agony?”
I remember slowly dying inside and not knowing if I would survive the pain that was taking over my soul.
I had to be strong for me, for my daughter and for my two younger sisters. But I couldn’t…I tried. God knows I tried.
The hospital was cold and dark, like the way I felt inside. And although people told me he was going to be alright… I knew he was going to be gone.
The pain that consumed me took over my existence for days, weeks and months after his death. At times it’s still very hard to think about.
I remember those days vividly as if it was yesterday.
I remember loosing myself in tears and in the fear of never ever speaking to my father again. I remember feeling lost and wanting to scream and just go crazy. I remember wanting to be someone else but me.
I was so confused…I asked, why?
Why him? Why my dad? Why my daddy? My dad, why?
Nowadays, I think of the positives.
My dad was suffering too much and God decided to take his pain away. And that, to me, makes sense.
I guess I kind of know why…
I still miss my dad. I wonder how he would be with his grand children. I wonder what my relationship could have been with him. I wonder so much…
I know he is in heaven now…I can feel it. And that make me happy. I know that he is where he needs to be and that someday we’ll see each other again. Till then, I will continue to miss him and think about him everyday. I love you dad!
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